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For some reason I was more nervous about today than I can ever remember. The butterflies seriously wouldnt go away. I had trouble falling asleep and when my normal 5:30 alarm went off I was up and didnt snooze the normal 40 mins.

I think part of it is that Ive gone through a pretty drastic change this past year. I think I am over the whole looking all alternative and hardcore thing. Punk is a mindset, not a closet. Not that I am punk or anything, but I like to think that I am a free thinker. But anyway, I cleaned myself up a lot with the straightened hair, which I try not to do too much because its damaging, then some makeup as well. I think it went over really well. It was subtle but worked. I felt pretty confident walking into school and seeing some people I havnt seen since June.

Got on the bus and had to sit with Jesse who was of course flying high as a kite. I listened to some Social D on the way to school. Its amazing how much the TrashCan kids have taken over my life, in a good way. Theyve directed me not only towards awesome music, but an awesome state of mind. I really appreciate it.

Cosmo was fun. Theres a lot of different types of people and although the final project is a haircut which to me is nothing I think I am going to learn a lot and I cant wait to get my hair played with. They are going to hate my dreads.

Gym was crazy, I only have Jordan Robbins which sucks but hes so nice. Math was stressful even though the teacher is awesome. Tim Hurley is in my class and we are equally bad at math. Bobo seemed to pinpoint my problem like the shrink he is and I cant wait to get some help. I think we will be the first to effectively improve my math skills. When I get help after school teachers always show me that missing link I need to complete the problem and they dont understand that recognizing that link is what I cant do.

Thats really it. It sucked coming back from votec and seeing Paul and Sam and soon to be Tim and Margaret on that bus. I think only having one friend in each class will help my focus a lot but at the same time having people I love around me makes life easier.

I think overall this year will be really relaxed and I cant wait for the ball to be rolling. And by that I mean Snow Club.
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I was going to write a big blog entry about the summer.
Its not really coming to me right now.

We got the tv! 42 inches saweet.


Bobo and andrew today.

Bobos the first guy to give me a gift to show that he knows me. Coffee mug? Cant get much better. Love it. Hes wonderful.
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chris's hair
andrews hair

i like ellie a lot.
thats about it
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Really epic weekend. Awesome sailing, awesomer jetskiing.

I went to church finally today. It was comforting and fr moe was really silly today so that was cool. I saw chris and that boy needs a haircut so Ill be doing that for him. I think he will be less clingy when its just me and him and val hanging out. Hes a good friend but sometimes is hard to be around.

I got home and was a little disappointed to find out that the trashcan kids couldnt come jetskiing but it wasnt awful because I knew the day would rock. The crowd was big and to be honest it wouldve been awkward introducing them to everyone. Grandma, Emile, Bron, Jen, Blake, Brooke, Laura, Greg, Jordan... its a lot.

So yeah the weather rocked and I scored some serious air on numerous occasions. I have really grown to bond with the Blaster. Its uber fastness is amazing. I like the high seat too. When I lean over I feel like I look so cool.

Went to Khols and got a sweet belt and shirt and 2 undieses. Happy times. I hate spending money but it was essential. The shirt makes me look skinny and the belt makes my hips look smaller, and the bras, well they do the talking.
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Last day of work yesterday. It was probably the most fun day. I was still really tired and like cried the whole way there for absolutely no reason at all. Im glad that week is over. I dont think itll ever be that hard again.

Today we went sailing and it was sooo windy. Lots of fun. I got some sweet pics.

I think tomorrow some of the trashcan kids might come jetskiing. I would love that so much.

I had another great convo with Bobo today. I can so effortlessly read the depth of what his brain is doing. Its weird but pretty cool. I am really looking forward to a good year with him.

I really dont have much to say as the part of my brain that is all insightful isnt working yet.
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The week is coming to a close.
I did the math, 58 hours. So Illegal but since I was babysitting it doesnt count. This afternoon I was so out of it and when I got home i was just tearing up for no reason. I just did mole work today. It was a lot fo walking and it was really hot out today.

I miss Bobo soooooo much Im so happy hes coming home. The next time I see him I am going to have a serious talk with where he wants to go. Ive gotten pretty attached and at this point if he didnt want to further this Id be decently upset but id still want to hang out with him. I hope it works out.

Brendans party tomorrow. Im tired but ill go, itll be a good winddown plus hes only 2 miles from home so its not a big deal to get picked up.

The st johns want me to babysit tuesday. It would be another 60 bucks but I dont know if im up to it. Its my last day of summer. I dont knwo if a little bit closer to a car is more important than having a good last day of summer.

I half want to treat myself to something nice and half jsut want to save it all. Maybe some nice new skis but at the sae time thats 100 less towards a car.
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Nothings changed these past few days. I am gradually getting my energy back from the crazy weekend. Donnas still annoying, the kids are still cute. Thats about it.

I am getting revved for school. I miss seeing everyone on a daily basis.

I wish I had more to say tonight. Pay day tomorrow. I think I had a 28ish hour week last week so it should be dece.

My nightly chilling out with neo is really awesome, just his weight on my neck while he sleeps is so reassuring and nice.

Its weird, I find I have extreme spacial issues with people. With most people I tend to feel really anxious and annoyed if anyone is closer than 12 inches from me. Very few people though, all I want to do is be close to them. Its weird. Even family and best friends, I hate hate hate being really close physically, I have no idea why. This one cute girl Sarah at work, shes only 6 and shes really touchy feely and I felt like I shouldnt let her be near me to that extreme and I have no idea why I was feeling that anxiety. I especially felt bad because I told her to go play ball with her brothers and when she was running and playing she tripped and her lip totally blew up like a balloon and was bleeding a little. How awful am I? Jeeze.

I think the whole thing with the principal at votec is so stupid. These Albany radio guys were just ragging and ragging on him/her and its so not their biz. Seriously! People have hormonal problems where they are literally another gender on the inside. It pisses me off so much when people are insensitive to that.

My dad had dinner with Jesse the other night and Jesse talked about how he became a loose vegetarian, not vegan, just veggie and how he lost all this weight and how he stayed with a family that were cow raising people and they themselves were veggies. He talked about how crazy the industry is and how its amazing it is that the stuff they put in the meat is legal. Like the stuff to keep the meat pink is intense. Not for any political or religious reasons, I think my family is going to try and do some alternatives for a little while. Every once in a while isn't a big deal but to cook things other than big steaks for dinner. I am deff going along with it. Its nothing about animal rights. I hate PETA. Lets just leave it at that.

A fish doesnt care if I eat it, as Jesse says. I just want to see how I do under that diet, I might be way healthier and feel better. I know when I work out and eat right I feel so good.

Oh and Kat Von D is my new idol.
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Sometimes I really feel like I overdo stuff.
I talk bad about some of the people at work, and although they are truly dysfunctional, people come from all walks of life and I really shouldn't judge them. Especially kids, one might be bratty and annoying but their parents could be very mean to them or something.

I also feel a lot like I am overbearing and step on peoples toes. I am very much the leader and I noticed that I often am one of those conversationalists that spends more time formulating what I am going to say next instead of fully listening to what the other has to say, to the point where I start talking before the other people even finish (sorry Bobo).

Its hard because lately has just been me questioning a lot of things. Mainly the job thing has been bugging me. Ive wanted to do the fashion thing since 6th grade but I feel like I do hair better and to further that education would be awesome. I think I could make a lot if I work at a higher end place. Again with the church thing, it feels weird not going. Its amazing how much of a routine that is and to not do it for 2 or so months is driving me nuts. Its weird because I'm NOT one of those whacko people that thinks gay people should go to hell or that girls should stay at home. I take comfort in being able to sit in a place for an hour and just think about my main struggle of the week and how to fix it, or reviewing the amazing saturday prior. I miss it.

Now, about the title thing. Bobo gave me a wonderful call from Colorado today. Its weird when I talk to him or am with him theres so much that I feel like I should be doing or saying, but for some reason it doesnt occur to me to just go for it. I wanted to say that I missed him and have been thinking about him a lot. I wanted to say that he really means a lot to me and I really dont question my interest in him at all. I really like him. I want to be with him. I hope I get to talk to him before he reads this because telling him all this through LJ is TOTALLY lame and not my style. I hope he hasnt been turned off or anything because that thing he said about JD really really scared me. I know that I say I want to take it slow and all that, and I do but by no means does that say that I am interested in someone else. It just really sucks that it has to be so awkward and its both of our faults. More mine though. Hes never had this type of relationship and I have so I should lead him and show him that its not scary or bad to have someone. I am so much more unsure of myself than I let on.

I miss Adrian a ridiculous ridiculous amount. We havnt talked in so long. He is my reassurance that everythings alright and he always makes me laugh and I cant put into words how much I wish we could just sit down and talk for 3 hours or more.
I always end my blog with an Adrian bit.

Oh the concert with Void Union was really fun.
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This kid took it out of me.
I think he might have some kind of mental problem.
I with I could go into detail but I really cant muster up the energy.
Basically, OCD and no talking and no eye contact. He might just be like that.
Too bad I had a bad first babysitting time, I know itll be easier in the future. I cant wait to work with Miish, the whole time Im there and Im lonely or something ill be like wow this will be so much cooler when Miish is here. Im totally fine though if it doesnt work out with hours or whatever. Ive met enough people. Ill survive. Rob was so dissapointed when he heard I was as young as I am.

and thats all i have to say tonight
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Ive had a TrashCan guitar riff in my head all day but I seriously have no idea which song it is.

Anyway, babysitting today, $70 for 7 hours. Not bad atall. hte kid was alright, he was sortof annoying but its all good. I so saw Miish in the lobby when I was taking a break!! It was such a great surprise. Work is alright and everything but to have not only someone that I kinda know there, but one of my good friends that I seriously look up to? I couldnt ask for more. My previous post described how I feel about her. I am beside myself in excitement.

JD I guess isnt going to work there but I think the kitchen is a bit harsh and not for him. I wish him luck at his other job.

Im really tired. Genuinely. Its not a tired like go to bed tired though. Plus its really hot and I need cold weather for sleep.

My dad is sleeping on the boat tonight and its supposed to storm. I hope everything works out.

I realized today how long its been since church. Like over a month. Its so weird. That never happened since I can remember. Not so much on the fact that Im missing out on something because I know how it all goes, but its a routine Im used to. Oh Well

Best best best phone convo with Bobo today. We talked about everything from dying grandparents to family history to looking at the shapes of the clouds over the moon together (awww) to like philosiphy kinda stuff. The thought of him having really bad nightmares scares me a lot. I hope hes ok. Its like one of those times where I just want t obe there when he wakes up to tell him its ok. I dunno if that sounds creepy or not.

And with that awkwardness im going to end the blog because I have 3 people on AIM who are not getting talked to.
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